its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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