If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
