Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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