I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
