Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
