I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
3pm strippers are depressing
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
