i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
