I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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