I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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