Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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