dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
