I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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