I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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