I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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