Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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