theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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