College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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