I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
