Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
