so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize