I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
