Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
