Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We need to get me chipped asap
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
