My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
