Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
