i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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