so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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