Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
