People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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