I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
