new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
