I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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