she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
