Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
And then my night got REAL pukey
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
