you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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