i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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