A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
