**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Randomize
