He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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