it wasn't lemon gatorade
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we're making bets on your personal life
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
