Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
