So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
