ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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