Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
