It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So much rum. So many feels.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
