That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
