You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
