I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
