I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
false alarm, still single
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
