Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
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