3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
