It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Redeem this text for a blowjob
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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